by Paul Allen
For the last 4 years, I’ve been experiencing one of those passages of life that we’re generally not prepared for — caring for an aging parent.
My mom came to live with us after she’d fallen and broken her hip. Until a few months ago, the transition was relatively smooth. She went from being a thriving, independent widow, to a person who no longer drives but uses a walker to get around. Other than that, she continued to be quite independent, keeping her dependence on us for transportation, and the usual family interactions.
However, she experienced another fall after Christmas, and from that time has regressed to needing 24-hour care in a nursing home, having littler recognition of the present and a continual interchange of her childhood and present reality.
To say the least it’s difficult. I find myself doing the responsible things — visiting her, taking care of her personal business, and being a strong son, husband, brother and father. But it becomes more difficult to deal with the reality that my mom, the woman who reared me and instilled Christian values in my life, has reverted to being so childlike, so unrecognizable.
Yet, true to his character, God uses every situation to express his unconditional love. No matter what mental or physical state she experiences at the moment, when I say to her the simple words, “Mom, I love you,” she simply replies, “I love you, too.”
That short exchange of words and feelings quickly melts away the anger, frustration, sadness and dismay I’m experiencing over her condition. It reminds me of the number of times she’d say “I love you” to me and others at the end of a conversation. Sometimes I’d get annoyed at her seeming overuse of the statement, but knew it was one thing she could give freely. No, it doesn’t make it any easier, but it does remind me of who my mother is: a person of faith who freely gives and receives love to her family, friends and strangers.
And it reminds me of my ministry as a pastor — sharing God’s unconditional love with others experiencing their own passages in life. How many people do we deal with day to day who need to hear the words from God, “I love you,” either audibly or through an act of kindness? People who are going through passages where they feel all alone. People who frustrate us because they’re not living up to their potential. People who continually return to their old sins and then come back once again for forgiveness and restoration. And people who aren’t dealing too well with the difficult passages of life — relationships, finances, education, spiritual direction, aging, more.
In many cultures, people walk through passages of life with the guidance, love and direction of their family, tribe or community. Perhaps its time for us to season our guidance and direction with a little more unconditional love.
Perhaps the passages they’re going through will prepare them for a brighter future and a place where they can respond to His love. And we can live out 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It’s not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
©2002 Group Publishing, Inc. Used with permission.
This article appeared in the May/June 2002 issue of REV., an interdenominational magazine for pastors.
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